The past few weeks have been a bit rough. I’m not ready to fully share, but I can say that the tide is turning and life is testing me. In this I am learning to truly trust myself and the decisions I make, in ways that I’ve never trusted before.
I live most of my life deeply through my feelings, yet I find that I sometimes ignore or second guess myself when I get that pang in my gut. The funny thing is, that my gut feelings are always right and I want to kick myself in the arse when I don’t listen to it. (Which I’m sad to say is more times then not.)
Why is it that I don’t trust myself, when in my gut and heart I know what I should be doing? The logical and rational side of my mind gets in the way. I try to reason with myself. I negotiate and sway myself into making decisions that I think are sensible and mature, or outwardly appear to be the “right’ decision, while I still have that pinging and ache on the inside. So I’m working on trusting myself and my inner feeling. Leading with my heart and believing with my soul that if the decisions feel right, then it’s the right decision for me.
It’s so hard to face the unknown, that kind of fear can be paralyzing and has stopped me in my tracks more times then I can count. A friend of mine suggested that I play “the worst case scenario” game and work backwards from there. What if that huge fear you had really did happen, then what? What would you do? Would it really be that bad? Maybe, maybe not. But whatever it is, it wouldn’t last forever. Leaving behind the known to venture into the unknown is super scary. Will it be better? Will it be worse, or even harder still? The thing is, I can’t stand still in the now just because I’m scared of what lies ahead. Life is a risk and if you aren’t willing to live it and move yourself forward what is the point of it all.